More at one with the knife, no longer tentative in how I cut through the flesh, I've grown to welcome the mornings that I cut melon. I take that round of juiciness, scoop the seeds out of the center; juices trail down my hands, the aroma rises in sweet explosion, I cut it down to manageable slices. When my slices have been cut, I take the knife, hold each slice tenderly in my palm, cut the melon flesh away in two motions: first slice–toward the center; turn, second slice toward the center, release. Chop to size.
As I was slicing through the melon, I thought of how my grandfather would slice an apple at the table, or rather skin an apple. He would end up with one perfect peel all in one piece. I liked watching him manuver the knife carefully and gracefully around that apple. He had time. No rushes. No other distractions. Just him, the apple, smiles, whiskers–and his granddaughter watching intently–part of the moment.
As I finished up with the melon, I was also breathing deeply and intentionally, as I am now. I could tell that the day was going to be filled with bustle. I needed more calm. I selected a CD that I usually play when I need to relax even more, to take my energy down a notch. And so I breathe. The music plays. I hear a chime in the distance that causes me to feel the stillness within; the instruments lull me toward a balanced day. I relax. I breathe...
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Books, a Quote, and the Moon
"Be yourself, everyone else is taken."
–Oscar Wilde
Yesterday was a long work day, but it was a productive day. Busy season is upon us and I have a feeling that this year is going to feel more crammed than the last.
Energy zipped through me last night. I went to bed a little after midnight, which isn't the norm for me. Then I woke up for some reason at around 4:30 a.m. Whenever I wake at these early morning hours, I take the opportunity to put my glasses on and peer out the window at the moon.
Last night the picture outside my window was a half moon surrounded by stars as billowy clouds streamed by. All I could think of was that this was the image of a soothing lullaby. I stayed there propped up at the windowsill for a few moments taking in the moment, then I tucked back into bed and went back to sleep.
I've tried to stop buying books. This Sunday, though, I browsed the bookshelves of a second hand store wondering what I'd find. I've purposely avoided this section on recent visits, but on Sunday I splurged. I allowed myself to look a little longer and found a handful of books to buy and here they are:
-Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert.
I saw the movie a year or so ago and decided then that I'd like to try the book. I usually wait until the hype goes down for certain things. A month back I tried a Kindle sample and I knew it would be a book that I wanted to read, just not on Kindle.
-All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten: Uncommon Thoughts on Common Things by Robert Fulghum. I'm surprised I don't own a copy or that I haven't read it yet. I did read his collection of writings by other authors that inspired him called Words I Wish I Wrote. I enjoyed this one a lot.
-Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories that Heal by Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D. I have a vague recollection of seeing this book around. Flipping through it, I knew it would be a gem to add to my shelves.
-Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar: Understanding Philosophy through Jokes by Thomas Cathcart and Daniel Klein. I always wanted to pick this book up when I heard about it, but then I forgot about it; I must not have wanted it that bad. When I saw it this time, I knew I had to get it. I flipped open to a random page and was immediately laughing. Laughter and philosophy–what a great combination!
-Ed Emberley's Great Thumbprint Drawing Book. Well, I've seen this cute children's drawing book somewhere, maybe a library. I had to have it. The thumbprint drawings are adorable and it takes you step by step. It speaks to the kid and little artist in me.
-The Touchstone by Edith Wharton. I've never read any of her novels. This is a short one. The descriptions on the back intrigued me, so I had to get it.
I felt like it was my lucky book day, finding so many gems.
I also had some books waiting for me at the library, mostly children's picture books, and one book related to astrology and the moon. I don't think I'll have time to read all of the moon book, but I'm hoping I have time to sit with it for a little while.
The highlight of my Sunday, besides the books, was browsing in a combination vintage art shop this weekend where I saw a canvas that someone had painted the Oscar Wilde quote in white block letters. Well, my significant other actually saw it first and pointed it out to me because he knew I'd like it. I did; I decided to do a similar one using the Doodle Buddy App, so that's today's picture.
Love those words: "Be Yourself..." Yes!
Happy writing and creating & happy Tuesday!
–Oscar Wilde
Yesterday was a long work day, but it was a productive day. Busy season is upon us and I have a feeling that this year is going to feel more crammed than the last.
Energy zipped through me last night. I went to bed a little after midnight, which isn't the norm for me. Then I woke up for some reason at around 4:30 a.m. Whenever I wake at these early morning hours, I take the opportunity to put my glasses on and peer out the window at the moon.
Last night the picture outside my window was a half moon surrounded by stars as billowy clouds streamed by. All I could think of was that this was the image of a soothing lullaby. I stayed there propped up at the windowsill for a few moments taking in the moment, then I tucked back into bed and went back to sleep.
I've tried to stop buying books. This Sunday, though, I browsed the bookshelves of a second hand store wondering what I'd find. I've purposely avoided this section on recent visits, but on Sunday I splurged. I allowed myself to look a little longer and found a handful of books to buy and here they are:
-Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert.
I saw the movie a year or so ago and decided then that I'd like to try the book. I usually wait until the hype goes down for certain things. A month back I tried a Kindle sample and I knew it would be a book that I wanted to read, just not on Kindle.
-All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten: Uncommon Thoughts on Common Things by Robert Fulghum. I'm surprised I don't own a copy or that I haven't read it yet. I did read his collection of writings by other authors that inspired him called Words I Wish I Wrote. I enjoyed this one a lot.
-Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories that Heal by Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D. I have a vague recollection of seeing this book around. Flipping through it, I knew it would be a gem to add to my shelves.
-Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar: Understanding Philosophy through Jokes by Thomas Cathcart and Daniel Klein. I always wanted to pick this book up when I heard about it, but then I forgot about it; I must not have wanted it that bad. When I saw it this time, I knew I had to get it. I flipped open to a random page and was immediately laughing. Laughter and philosophy–what a great combination!
-Ed Emberley's Great Thumbprint Drawing Book. Well, I've seen this cute children's drawing book somewhere, maybe a library. I had to have it. The thumbprint drawings are adorable and it takes you step by step. It speaks to the kid and little artist in me.
-The Touchstone by Edith Wharton. I've never read any of her novels. This is a short one. The descriptions on the back intrigued me, so I had to get it.
I felt like it was my lucky book day, finding so many gems.
I also had some books waiting for me at the library, mostly children's picture books, and one book related to astrology and the moon. I don't think I'll have time to read all of the moon book, but I'm hoping I have time to sit with it for a little while.
The highlight of my Sunday, besides the books, was browsing in a combination vintage art shop this weekend where I saw a canvas that someone had painted the Oscar Wilde quote in white block letters. Well, my significant other actually saw it first and pointed it out to me because he knew I'd like it. I did; I decided to do a similar one using the Doodle Buddy App, so that's today's picture.
Love those words: "Be Yourself..." Yes!
Happy writing and creating & happy Tuesday!
Monday, March 4, 2013
"I just want to be a Princess," he said.
Since I don't have children of my own, nor have I worked with them in a childcare setting, I am truly enjoying my Early Childhood Education (ECE) class.
On the first day of class, the instructor told us that even if none of us decided to work with children, we would still gain much from the class that we could apply in our day to day lives in some way. Yes, I feel that my windows of perception are already opening wider; at the same time, I am revisiting my own childhood experiences in a new way.
During our last class, we got into discussion about how sometimes teachers meddle in a child's self directed learning, where they should really allow them to explore without disruption or redirection where it's not called for. Our instructor had an example of her little girl. She was dropping her off at day care and was chatting with the teacher when the little girl went in the direction of the blocks and began playing with them. The teacher then said something to the little girl along the lines of, "honey, why don't you go play in the dolly corner." Since the teacher is a source of authority and the little girl didn't think to say she'd rather play with blocks, she went to the doll corner as was suggested. Our instructor bit her tongue, after all, she must respect the teacher's classroom. She told us that her little girl didn't look like she was playing and was just going through the motions to please the teacher. She probably would have been interested and engaged in real play had the teacher not interfered with her choice to play with the blocks.
Another story that a student shared caught my attention. She is a nanny for a five year old boy. The boy's father is in the construction business and most of the boy's toys consist of big construction trucks and tools and such. One day the boy said to her in a way that demonstrated his long sought desire, "I just want to be a princess." She told him that she would bring him a princess outfit next time. Later when she was leaving she spoke to the mother in private and told her what her son requested and that she felt that it was important to honor his request and that she was going to buy him a princess outfit and bring it next time. The mother agreed. The nanny knew she would have a challenge with the father, but she was adamant in fulfilling this boy's want. She took the father aside and put it right out there and assured him that this didn't mean his son was gay. Yes, how sad, that this convinced the father, but those were his fears. He also agreed. So, the little boy was allowed to play out the side of him that was tired of playing with trucks and wanted just to be a princess.
I admire this student very much for being able to know the best thing to do for the child and to be able to constructively communicate this to the parents. The boy was thrilled, of course, when she presented him with a princess outfit.
I also learned that it is not uncommon for preschool aged boys to come to school in girls dresses. I applaud the parents that are comfortable enough to allow it, and of course this may be more common in certain cities that are more liberal and open minded. Another student that worked in a preschool said that one of the other kids asked her why another kid was wearing a dress. She said that's what he wanted to wear and he likes it.
These examples make me think of countless children who are pushed in directions they may not be interested in for the sake of the caregivers and teachers; and, of course, parents are guilty of this too. It makes me think of how even though we've come so far as a society, there are certain behaviors that are ingrained on our minds and we act without thinking: what is good for the child? What do they want? What are their interests? What is the best way to respond?
So many things to consider and reflect upon.
On the first day of class, the instructor told us that even if none of us decided to work with children, we would still gain much from the class that we could apply in our day to day lives in some way. Yes, I feel that my windows of perception are already opening wider; at the same time, I am revisiting my own childhood experiences in a new way.
During our last class, we got into discussion about how sometimes teachers meddle in a child's self directed learning, where they should really allow them to explore without disruption or redirection where it's not called for. Our instructor had an example of her little girl. She was dropping her off at day care and was chatting with the teacher when the little girl went in the direction of the blocks and began playing with them. The teacher then said something to the little girl along the lines of, "honey, why don't you go play in the dolly corner." Since the teacher is a source of authority and the little girl didn't think to say she'd rather play with blocks, she went to the doll corner as was suggested. Our instructor bit her tongue, after all, she must respect the teacher's classroom. She told us that her little girl didn't look like she was playing and was just going through the motions to please the teacher. She probably would have been interested and engaged in real play had the teacher not interfered with her choice to play with the blocks.
Another story that a student shared caught my attention. She is a nanny for a five year old boy. The boy's father is in the construction business and most of the boy's toys consist of big construction trucks and tools and such. One day the boy said to her in a way that demonstrated his long sought desire, "I just want to be a princess." She told him that she would bring him a princess outfit next time. Later when she was leaving she spoke to the mother in private and told her what her son requested and that she felt that it was important to honor his request and that she was going to buy him a princess outfit and bring it next time. The mother agreed. The nanny knew she would have a challenge with the father, but she was adamant in fulfilling this boy's want. She took the father aside and put it right out there and assured him that this didn't mean his son was gay. Yes, how sad, that this convinced the father, but those were his fears. He also agreed. So, the little boy was allowed to play out the side of him that was tired of playing with trucks and wanted just to be a princess.
I admire this student very much for being able to know the best thing to do for the child and to be able to constructively communicate this to the parents. The boy was thrilled, of course, when she presented him with a princess outfit.
I also learned that it is not uncommon for preschool aged boys to come to school in girls dresses. I applaud the parents that are comfortable enough to allow it, and of course this may be more common in certain cities that are more liberal and open minded. Another student that worked in a preschool said that one of the other kids asked her why another kid was wearing a dress. She said that's what he wanted to wear and he likes it.
These examples make me think of countless children who are pushed in directions they may not be interested in for the sake of the caregivers and teachers; and, of course, parents are guilty of this too. It makes me think of how even though we've come so far as a society, there are certain behaviors that are ingrained on our minds and we act without thinking: what is good for the child? What do they want? What are their interests? What is the best way to respond?
So many things to consider and reflect upon.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Words
Words, come to me. I've looked back. I know you're there waiting to rise to the surface. I'll be patient. I'll wait for you; I'll coax you. I'll read to you, listen to you, file you away, carry you in my heart. You keep yourselves tucked away in a variety of places, waiting for me to connect with you. I know that you want me to find you and I will–I do. I find you every moment of my life. It's just that you have a life of your own, too, and I have to listen to you rather than mold you right away. You want me to get you out first, spill it all out and once your satisfied that I've poured you all out, then I am free to take you like a raw piece of clay and study you, use my hands to shape you, use my eyes and ears to hear you, my nose to pick up on the nuances that my other senses will fail to pickup alone.
Some of you will never make it to the page.
And then–we start the process all over again, everyday–until death do we part.
Some of you will never make it to the page.
And then–we start the process all over again, everyday–until death do we part.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Never Too Old
I would never have imagined myself in a million years taking an early childhood education (ECE) class. Two classes ago we walked through the different day care rooms at night on the community college campus to get an idea of how the environments were set up. The infant room brought an instant calm to my being. There were soft toys, books, organization, neutral colors, and pictures up high to look at. As we walked through the different rooms, notebook in hand, I felt that I could see myself in a setting like this one day. I especially liked the pre-school room. There was so much to explore, inside and outside.
I have to admit that I've always been more of an animal person. Children brought up fears in me–with infants, there is a fear of how fragile they are. With the older children, there is the fear of how honest some of them may be, and how well brought up they are to know what's nice to say and not so nice.
On the flip side, that's what's so great about children: They are totally honest.
Somewhere in my early thirties I was in a Safeway and I've always had tendencies toward shyness and insecurity. On this one day I had stopped off at Safeway on my way home from work. I used to bike to work then. I had my bike helmet on my head. It was a hot day and my face was hot and sweaty. I walked by an older child sitting in the shopping cart. she must have been five years old or so. As I walked by she pointed at me and said, "she's ugly." I just kept walking. Her dad was near by and I think he walked over to her and who knows what he mumbled to her.
All I know is that I felt about one inch tall. Even though I didn't know this child, those simple words fed into an insecurity that I felt. From a rational perspective, I could talk myself around it or better yet ignore the comment. But emotionally, it planted a small seed–and not that I had considered working with children then–I think I told myself I never would.
I can tell that a shift has occurred in me, and at this stage in my life, my relationship toward children has changed–is changing in positive ways.
I've said it before, and I don't mind repeating that I believe we all learn and grow at our own pace. In looking back at my childhood, there are many instances where I've had to battle with self-esteem issues. It feels good that as I continue going through life, the layers continue shedding, being replaced by new ones–stronger ones.
We're never too old to learn and grow.
I have to admit that I've always been more of an animal person. Children brought up fears in me–with infants, there is a fear of how fragile they are. With the older children, there is the fear of how honest some of them may be, and how well brought up they are to know what's nice to say and not so nice.
On the flip side, that's what's so great about children: They are totally honest.
Somewhere in my early thirties I was in a Safeway and I've always had tendencies toward shyness and insecurity. On this one day I had stopped off at Safeway on my way home from work. I used to bike to work then. I had my bike helmet on my head. It was a hot day and my face was hot and sweaty. I walked by an older child sitting in the shopping cart. she must have been five years old or so. As I walked by she pointed at me and said, "she's ugly." I just kept walking. Her dad was near by and I think he walked over to her and who knows what he mumbled to her.
All I know is that I felt about one inch tall. Even though I didn't know this child, those simple words fed into an insecurity that I felt. From a rational perspective, I could talk myself around it or better yet ignore the comment. But emotionally, it planted a small seed–and not that I had considered working with children then–I think I told myself I never would.
I can tell that a shift has occurred in me, and at this stage in my life, my relationship toward children has changed–is changing in positive ways.
I've said it before, and I don't mind repeating that I believe we all learn and grow at our own pace. In looking back at my childhood, there are many instances where I've had to battle with self-esteem issues. It feels good that as I continue going through life, the layers continue shedding, being replaced by new ones–stronger ones.
We're never too old to learn and grow.
Alchemy
Alchemy
Rosemary and myrrh
in the pestle,
rose petals, frankincense.
Crushing bits down
to size. Blowing
dried pieces of fragrance–
ideas into the wind.
Rejecting and accepting,
taking nothing at
face value, diving deep
below the rubble, tasting, spitting out,
'knowing that I know nothing,'
knowing that I am but a remnant of all
that have crossed my path because
as the muse, Vincent, once said, I'm
"a song I've felt since before time."
We are all bound by consciousness–
stretched beyond the atmosphere,
in orbit, old souls–all souls–meeting again
in different forms.
**
Originally jotted down June 17, 2012
Vincent's quote added September 15, 2012
Rosemary and myrrh
in the pestle,
rose petals, frankincense.
Crushing bits down
to size. Blowing
dried pieces of fragrance–
ideas into the wind.
Rejecting and accepting,
taking nothing at
face value, diving deep
below the rubble, tasting, spitting out,
'knowing that I know nothing,'
knowing that I am but a remnant of all
that have crossed my path because
as the muse, Vincent, once said, I'm
"a song I've felt since before time."
We are all bound by consciousness–
stretched beyond the atmosphere,
in orbit, old souls–all souls–meeting again
in different forms.
**
Originally jotted down June 17, 2012
Vincent's quote added September 15, 2012
Friday, March 1, 2013
Night
Tonight I drove home with my mouth agape staring at the moon; trees streamed by, blocked my view as I ducked and searched–where is the moon?!
A champagne moon spilled out on its side, close enough to touch.
And the tree I've been admiring each night of class, in her bare beauty, was clothed in beautiful pink blossoms tonight. She looked alive. I like her bare and also in full dress.
What a beautiful night. The air feels fresh. The streets are empty and class was quite satisfying.
A champagne moon spilled out on its side, close enough to touch.
And the tree I've been admiring each night of class, in her bare beauty, was clothed in beautiful pink blossoms tonight. She looked alive. I like her bare and also in full dress.
What a beautiful night. The air feels fresh. The streets are empty and class was quite satisfying.
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