Journal ~ The Dotted Line

Two weeks ago the boss was the most forthcoming he's been about the sale of his business. He's finally decided to retire. We knew that, but he was vague about just how long it would be. At first he made it sound as though he was testing the buying waters, and then it became clear, he was moving forward with the intent to close sooner rather than later. I thought he'd be working until he was old and gray. I read him wrong. The signs were there; I just failed to see reality for what it was. 

Those two weeks past, he asks me to come outside. I don't think anyone else was even in the office. And he says, "I need you to tidy up the office, get things cleaned up, organized. I'm having a buyer come in tomorrow and this one wants to keep you and T."

Usually I would reply with a dozen questions, since he has been somewhat evasive about questions regarding the sale. It's been the great big elephant in the room that we don't talk about because he's not ready yet–because there is no deal yet. So I say, okay.

The office isn't a mess. It's just that there are certain spots that may appear cluttery and well, I suppose if you're trying to impress a potential buyer, best to start off on the right foot; and it gave us a good excuse to get things in better order.

I took it a step further and started going to town tossing out old papers that I mostly likely would not need any longer–papers you hold onto "just in case." Just in case your boss asks you about this or that several months down the line. Papers that you're not ready to let go of yet. 

I went into a different mindset. I acted as though my last day was near, even though this supposedly wasn't the case. I decided to take any personal items home: books used for ice breakers, old daily calendars, empty cookie tins. I unstuck all of my post-it notes from my desk, I tossed out old single daily calendar pages that I had accumulated. At the end of the day, I have to admit it felt odd going home with a bag of stuff and a desk area that was so neat and tidy, that it looked foreign to me. It felt as though it really was my last day.

I did leave three things there until there really is a last day. Two glass hearts, one blue like crystal blue waters, the other a pearly white; and One heart made of a grey rock stone, polished smooth. These three hearts fit into the palm of my hand. They sit on the base of my monitor, a source of positive, loving energy. For now, they stay.

There were more closed-door phone calls and meetings. I was briefly introduced to the potential buyer as the boss showed him around our office. There was the beginning of due diligence, and now that brings us to this week, the week that T. and I will interview with these folks. I don't know exactly how the interviews will go, what will be asked, how things will change, if we'll be retained. I imagine, as the boss said, they'll at least keep us for the transition if the deal does indeed go forward. But because things can change just like the snap of a finger, nothing is done until the signatures are planted on the dotted line. 

I want to be excited, and at first when the boss told us what he was up to, the idea of it sounded exciting–something new to shake up the stagnation that has seemed to settle over the office. But it's hard to be excited for the unknown, and yet I do feel a certain restrained excitement at a new chapter, whether it continue here or elsewhere.

Van Gogh, a Deer, and a Flowering Flute

It was an ordinary Monday. I was on my way to work, grooving to the radio, stopped at a main intersection; Embassy suites on one corner, gas station and car dealerships on the other three corners, fast food in sight, along with other stores and intersections, then as my eyes are set in front of me, a large deer, maybe even a buck, galloped through, trying to find his way back to the hills, which are a ways out. He took quite a departure. My gazed followed him until my view was cut off. When the light turned green, I looked to the right; there was no sign of the deer. He must have kept galloping, hoping to find his way. It was a beautiful sight. I only hope he found safety.

Vincent Van Gogh is my favorite artist. I loved his work from the first moment that I saw it and I don't remember exactly when that was, but it was a long time ago. Besides his use of color, texture, and movement, there's something special about his paintings that is indescribable–

And so because Van Gogh has been on my mind. I pulled a couple of books with his artwork from a box in the garage and made a place for them on a shelf. Over the weekend I yearned to continue reading Dear Theo: The Autobiography of Vincent Van Gogh. But the book that I have is small, the print is small and it's uncomfortable to read. I set out to find it for my Kindle, but no they did not have it. Instead I found The Letters of Vincent Van Gogh, which I sampled, then downloaded for the bargain price of $2.99. 

Art has been on my mind. I even thought of taking another drawing course and actually trying to finish it this time. It's patience I need. The irony is I have a lot of patience, just not with certain things. I know that I can teach myself to draw better. It just takes time. It takes practice. It takes self-motivation. I've always thought of myself as self-motivated–and I am to a degree, but then I fizzle away. Right now, I'm looking at a glass of pink and white carnations that I salvaged for another week from the large stems that had gone bad. They remind me of an ice cream sunday. They just need a red carnation on top. I can visualize myself making a sketch of these lovely flowers. Maybe later. I even took a painting class didn't finish that either. At the community college level, the classes are long or they seem long. Two night per week for five months. I've attempted the drawing class twice. The truth is I got bored with it. I made it past the egg study and then I stopped. I don't remember if I've ever made it past that damn egg! Over the years, I've continued to doodle here and there. 

I realize that time is escaping me and that's a good thing because I'm journaling my thoughts, I'm enjoying myself, yet I know that I have to cut myself off, so that I can get the day started and be on time to work.

But I'm not done quite yet. 

Last week I took a walk around the reservoir and it there is always something new to notice or become aware of...and the beauty of this is that life is like this. Every day we wake up, it seems the same, our routines, our rituals, yet there is always something new that we can find to appreciate in each day, in each drive to work, in each walk around the reservoir. This last time I walked around the reservoir, I heard a flute in a Japanese style. My senses were delighted and I had and image of a flute with flowers and musical  notes coming out of the holes. The flute immediately transported me somewhere and to have nature as my backdrop–I was in  heaven. There was a bench as I came around the corner and I don't' usually stop, but I wanted to listen to the flute some more and I still didn't see who was playing it. No one was around. As soon as I sat down, the music stopped. I took out my notebook and began writing and then I drew a rough sketch of this flowering flute. 

The image here is a very rough sketch I did using the Doodle Buddy App. It reminds me of a drawing I might have done in Kindergarten. 

Afternoon Clouds

This afternoon the clouds were like a 

collection of angels singing and dancing; their shapes were

like God's whispers spread across the pale blue sky,

lighted with the sweet glow of grace.

Remember ~ A Quote and Crow

"Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you've been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are."

–H.G. Wells, British author

Yesterday this quote was at the bottom of the free accounting related newsletter that I subscribe to. There's a quote each day, some resonate with me more than others. This one was just what I needed at this particular time. Those words reaffirmed a few unanswered questions that I had within myself. It was like a quick snap of the fingers to get my attention and to get my thoughts flowing in the right direction.

**

Crow

I was lucky to get a picture of this crow. By the time I usually get my iPhone out, my subject is gone, flown away or scurried for cover, but not this day. I was in the grocery store parking lot. I heard him first, and I always turn when I hear Crow...he looked so beautiful there with the bright sun in the background.

Journal ~ Oven Barbecued Chicken, School thoughts, and Banana Muffins

Yesterday I prepared one of my favorite chicken recipes that I found on the internet some time ago. I also prepared it for my mother-in-law on her birthday. And she didn't make a comment about it needing salt, which was a relief. The flavor was there in this simple and delicious oven barbecued chicken recipe. 

I paired the chicken with oven baked yams and a macaroni salad that I through together with leftover pasta that I I had used to make oven macaroni and cheese on Sunday night...yum! I knew that I didn't need the full pound, so I set some aside with the intention of making the mac salad. I added red bell pepper, black olives, green onions, celery, dijon mustard, olive oil, mayonnaise, salt, pepper, garlic salt with parsley, and dinner was served.  

I had an appointment later that evening with a school counselor to ask some questions about the certificates in accounting and to see where I'm at. In a way, the appointment was a waste of time. I think I already knew where I was at. But, it's part of the process. I think next time I have a visit, it will be more helpful because I may be closer to my goal, unless I begin to waver again. Time is not on my side. Many of the classes that I took so long ago, no longer count because in order to obtain the certificate, in my case, in accounting, the courses need to be completed within 7 years of the date of the certificate; 10 years for a business certificate. I don't know that this little piece of paper will help me down the road, but I thought if I had the classes already, I might as well. I waited too long, mainly because I've had a love/hate relationship with accounting for as long as I remember. And that's why I'm asking myself, do I really want to petition to retake accounting principles because I got a C in the class I took way back when. I know there's something inside of me that feels the need to go through a semester length course and to possibly pick up the certificate along the way. I also figure I may as well still aim for obtaining my A.A. except that for the area of emphasis, the time rules still apply. 

I think I need to do this, so that I know that I at least followed through and completed something...but part of me, thinks is it really necessary. It's an inner battle that I've been going back and forth with forever. And even though community college is a lot less expensive, it still puts a dent in the budget. The good thing is that there is no time limit on general education requirements. Back to the drawing board to see what I really want to do and if getting the piece of paper that is of little value in the real world is worth it, and to make sure I'm not fooling myself into completing something that I really have no interest in completing.

All that I could think about on the way home was the two ripe bananas that I've been waiting to be just right, so that I could make banana muffins. I found a recipe in the Moosewood Restaurant Low-Fat Favorites recipe book. I didn't need the recipe to be that low-fat, so I added two full eggs instead of one egg and one egg white. The recipe also called for 1 cup of rolled oats blended just until they were the consistency of corn meal–a nice healthy touch in addition to one cup of white flour. There was 1/4 of brown sugar, 1/2 t. of baking soda, 1 t. of baking powered, cinnamon, a dash of nutmeg, 2 T. of vegetable oil, 2 ripe bananas mashed, 1/2 cup of plain yogurt, and instead of the 1/2 cup raisins, I added 3/4 cup of milk chocolate chips because I had some leftover and I thought it would be a nice addition. 400 degrees for 25 minutes and the house was smelling of banana and chocolate goodness!

I've never really been a muffin person, and I've had this cookbook for years and have only made a handful of recipes out of it, which were all good. And I have to be honest, I usually steer clear from a muffin with chocolate in it, but I think what did me in was when we stayed at a place in Carmel that brought muffins and juice to our door in the morning and I bit into a muffin with chocolate in it and I thought, this is actually pretty good. I guess that stuck in my head; ironically, hubby didn't like the muffins and he loves chocolate. 

I do know that the ripe bananas were my inspiration. I saw two sitting there on the counter, as I've seen before, only this time, I wanted to make them into something, rather than send them away. That's when I looked in this particular cookbook hoping for a recipe because that other low-fat recipe book with the blueberry scones, it's going back to the library!

http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/oven-barbecued-chicken

Empanada

One of the cookbooks that I took home from the library was Aaron Sanchez's Simple Food, Big Flavor: Unforgettable Mexican-Inspired Recipes from My Kitchen to Yours. This is a beautiful cookbook with heart. I love the photographs of the ingredients and the finished meals. My mouth waters when I flip through the pages and makes me want to put the book down, get to the grocery store and get cooking! The conversational tone of the book makes me feel like I've Aaron there by my side as I read and set out to try his recipes.

I've been on the lookout for an empanada recipe ever since I had them at the food trucks and I have a regular turnover recipe, but I knew I was looking for something different; I just wasn't sure what until I found Aaron's recipe. It's simple, delicious, and the addition of masa harina (corn masa flour) makes all the difference. Subtle, but noticeable.

For the filling, I made a modified version of Aaron's recipe. 

The fillings are endless, from savory to sweet. It's all up to the cooks moods and imagination.

**

Pocket-filled delight,

a mixture of ground beef,

potatoes, onions, salt, pepper,

oregano, and El Pato brand Salsa de Tomate con Jalapeno.

Sizzling, spicy goodness.

Baked, not fried. 

Aaron Sanchez's

empanada dough recipe–

my first and my favorite, 

made wtih masa harina (corn masa flour)

and regular flour.

I take my first bite– 

deliciousness and 

comfort wrapped

inside

out.

Journal ~ Blueberry Scones, the Library, and My Hawaiian Shirt

Yesterday I had an excuse to go the library. When I was searching the library database for a book, I discovered that I had two books that were overdue by a week. I usually watch for those email reminders, but I must have overlooked these. I happily pulled the books from the pile, snapping a photo of them because I wasn't done with them yet! I was happy because I would return the books, then browse the shelves after collecting a book that I was in search of and knew was on the shelves. 

After I self-checked in my overdue books, I pulled out my iPhone, and opened the email that I had sent to myself with the call number: 808.02 NAMING. I wound my way toward the back of the library, walking past tables of chattering teenagers. As I walked further and further down the narrow passages of books, I found myself at the end. I looked up and scanned the call numbers and there it was: Naming the World and other Exercises for the Creative Writer Edited by Bret Anthony Johnston. I took the book from the shelf, admired the red cover with a small image of a piece of art titled "Cockatoo and Corks," a piece of art that is interestingly strange. I love surreal art.

Instead of going back down to the front of the main library the way I came, I decided to go over one isle and I found myself in the cookbooks. I turned left and right and saw that baking was on my left, so I started there. There was one cookbook that was displayed: Krystine's Healthy Gourmet Cookbook by Krystine Crowell. I flipped through, and in the first several pages, I saw a nonfat whole-wheat blueberry scone recipe that caught my attention. I decided that I would take the book and I would make the recipe that night. All I needed was the yogurt and blueberries.

I turned to the right and eased my way down until I saw some Mexican cookbooks. I took two. I wanted to wander a bit, but as always, time slips right by me when I'm in the library. I knew that I couldn't browse for too much longer because I had to get home and wash dishes and start on dinner. But I did make a last stop to scan the new books and that's where I found The Public Library: A Photographic Essay by Robert Dawson. I flipped through and knowing that I wouldn't have time to read it now, I would have time to skim and I wanted to take my time looking at the different libraries that he included in his book. One sculpture in the book took my breath away. Titled "Psyche" it touched something deep within my own: A huge sculpture in the shape of a head, made up of roughly fifteen hundred small sculptures of books and butterflies, suspended in air.

That was my last book, I went to the self-check machine to check out the handful of books that should have only been the one that I came for. The machine beeped at me and said my card was about to expire and that I needed to go to the circulation desk. I took my books and walked up to the standing desk. The librarian asked how she could help me and I explained. She just needed my identification and my library card would be renewed for another three years. She looked up, as she was typing into her computer and said, "Your shirt is making me want to be in Hawaii." I looked down at my deep blue Hawaiian shirt with large white flower blossoms. I looked up and smiled.

"Oh, your a Cancer she said," looking down at my identification. "I'm a Cancer too. My birthday is on the 20th. I see your on the cusp.

"Yes, I'm right on the very end, but I am a Cancer."

It was refreshing to have someone actually bring up their own astrological sign, someone who was older, and relate to me. So many times, I've done the same.

"Have you been to Hawaii before?"

I thought about this because I knew I had, but it was so long ago I had to remember one island or two. "Yes."

"Which islands?"

And so, we continued our brief conversation, two friendly Cancers, as she processed my library card renewal. She told me how she was married in Kauai and what a beautiful island it is. I mentioned how I had heard many good things about it, but that's one of the islands I had not been to.

We finished up and instead of going to the self-check machine, I had the librarian check my books out. She was such a kindred spirit, a nice change from dealing with machines and others that are too busy or who aren't' as friendly.

And this friendly exchange was all thanks to my expiring library card and my Hawaiian shirt.

After dinner, I told hubby that my plan was to bake, then study. He looked at me and said you should study first. I said, "I need to bake first because it relaxes me! Then I'll study." 

I did make the blueberry scones first and they were different. They looked pleasing. They lacked a little flavor, especially after coming after oatmeal chocolate chip cookie bars. With a little dab of butter, I think they'll be perfect. 

"Untitled (Cockatoo and Corks)"

http://www.wikiart.org/en/joseph-cornell/untitled-cockatoo-and-corks-1948

"Psyche" - Sculpture at the Main Library, Salt Lake City, Utah

http://culturenow.org/entry&permalink=19914&seo=Psyche_Ralph-Helmick-and-Stuart-Schechter

Blueberry Scone Recipe

http://recipecircus.com/recipes/Buny/Scones/Nonfat_Whole_Wheat_Blueberry_Scones.html