Playtime ~ Living in the Moment

Recently we visited with my hubby's cousin and her husband. Their 4 1/2 year old boy is hubby's Godson and my buddy. When I write about him, I refer to him as Little A. 

If I haven't seen him for a while, he takes a few seconds to come out of his shell and then he gets chatty, tells me what he's been up to and asks me to play. It usually doesn't take him long to want to play together, so I don't often visit with the "adults" for very long. I've always had a sense of this; I enjoy playing with Little A. But this last time when we were down in his play room, his daddy came in for a refreshment for himself and hubby. Hubby came along to see how Little A. and I were doing and to say hello. His daddy said to me that Little A. said that whenever I come over I only talk to him. Hubby turned to daddy and asked if he said that just to clarify; and daddy said no, Little A. said it. We looked at Little A. and he smiled and gave a small squirm of his body to confirm that he had indeed made this observation. 

I admit that hearing it said out loud made me feel a tad self-conscious. I do visit with the adults and when we sit down to eat, naturally there is conversation; but, yes, I suppose it's mostly true, and it seems that Little A. talks to me the most when I'm there too. He engages me, and together we go into his world of play.

So we played. I always follow his lead. We baked cakes, played store, tended to injured stuffed animals, rode on the sea, escaped pirates, went on a safari, and nearly missed putting all the animals away to avoid a big storm. 

As we were winding down, sitting across from each other, out of the blue Little A. says to me, "girls are bossy and make rules; boys don't. But your not bossy." I repeated his statement back to him just to make sure I heard him right. "But your not bossy, Auntie Rebbecca." I smiled inside. It was nice not being lumped in with bossy girls that make rules for the space of time I'm with him. We just play and have fun and giggle and let our imaginations run wild. 

Playing with Little A., there is no other choice but to live in the wonderful, present moment.

Now

It's going to be a busy day at work today and I planned on going in early for my own sake and I have class tonight, which I'm not sure I will make. It depends on how the day unfolds. I'll have to take it a moment at a time. I did decide that I needed to write and that I would go in a bit later, so that I can do this one thing for myself first.

A book has been brought back into my consciousness after a fellow blogger mentioned it as a book that changed his life. That book is Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. I do recall having this book. It's one of many that got away with my last move. It's a book that was part of several in a class I took long ago; then again in another class, the teacher couldn't praise it enough.

Since the book had been brought back into my awareness, while browsing the shelves of the second hand store recently, there was a copy there peering back at me as thought it had been waiting for me; I invited the book back to its home in my own shelves. I have been reading it for a few moments each morning before I get out of bed to start the day. I have nodded my head in agreement and feel that I'm visiting a familiar place, an old friend.

I believe that certain things, whether experiences, moments, books–the possibilities are plentiful–as long as we are paying attention, what we need will surface. The Power of Now has reminded me of the strong influence the Vietnamese Buddhist Monk Thich Nhat Hanh has had on my life, and takes me back to when I first saw him speak and then purchased one of his books nearly 20 years ago. I don't look to him as a guru by any means, and I don't think he'd want that. Instead, I look to what makes common sense to me: the practice of mindfulness, compassion, love, understanding, nature, and being in the present moment.

Through these many years, I feel that finding and being in the present moment is there for me to enter when I choose, when I choose to let go and surrender to it–not think, but do. Since rediscovering The Power of Now, I feel that certain spokes of the wheel are reconnecting and opening further.

I've been thinking about my past angers and I feel that, without being able to say why, The Power of Now, opened up something in me that allowed me to frame what I've been thinking about for so long and put it to the page. I started to write about it a few days ago, an image of my childhood that I've often thought about, but never felt comfortable putting to the page, even to my personal pages; I finally did, and I went on for four pages and it took a different direction and became entwined with work. I was overwhelmed with how much there was to edit if I want to post it to my blog. I view it as part of my memoirs, for that is the type of writing that I am most drawn to, that, the essay form, and journal writing.

In the past several days, I've been finding my mantra to be the single word, "now" to bring me into the present, especially at work or if I find I'd like to slow my thoughts down.

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A Dream - From my journal (Sunday, April 8)

Last night when I became aware of the music that almost always comes through the apartment walls, I said in my mind, "now, now..." I dreamed last night I was in a situation where my death was before me. I don't remember how I got into the situation, but I was standing there with someone aiming a crossbow at my throat. I think I heard someone shriek or make a sound of fear. I said, "it's ok." And I remember I kept saying, "now, now" to myself. "This is now." I accepted the situation and became my own witness. I concentrated on the present moment and a calm overtook my being. I think I remember the click of the arrow releasing. The dream ended.