Entry Point ~ The Spark of the Spinning Wheel

I feel like I'm on a roulette wheel with my thoughts and writing. The ball spins and spins, like my mind, creating possibilities, memories, recalling memories, creating new memories, recording observations, but with this wheel, the numbers become placeholders for words and thoughts; each one an entry point into a place of exploration. Only, these many spinning possibilities keep spinning; the wheel becomes stuck with possibilities.

This morning, as the wheel turned, a book was my entry point. Just reading a couple of pages was enough for that slight shift, just enough to awaken a sort of luck to awaken my writing muscles a little bit further, flexing them in a way that sent a message that you will write these two words down and make a sketch and you will come back to this later and you will post this to your blog journal.

Entry point. Those two little words led me to a roulette wheel and what I was actually reading had nothing to do with anything, but something in that particular moment in time clicked.

And now many hours later, as I enjoy my lunch break, taking spoonfuls of delicious food, then returning to my notebook to continue with the morning spark, I am on that wheel; my entry point is right there–right here; always there.

Writing is good for the soul.

Writing and posting to my blog journal is good for my soul.

Even when something ails me, I need to push through it. Pushing through can only bring my body's equilibrium back to a place of balance. These things I know, yet countless times, the words stay in a certain limbo, like the bouncing ball that can't find its place, slips into the slot and out again, finally settling on a random place on the wheel.

And is it really so random?

Wasn't it supposed to happen at this exact time and place? Or perhaps it had enough time commingling, jetting this way and that–when, the moment you look away, there it appears: A sense of order, of opening and closing–a pulse of life that cannot be contained, a sense of spinning, that spins and spins and spins until it can spin no more and must find a place to land, but only when the self disappears into the background.

And then before your eyes, it slips into the lucky number, the words fall into place, the entry point of many open up and you walk right in, tentative at first, then you reach the end; and you know the wheel will be there, always there when you're ready, only you won't know when you're ready, but something deep inside of you that is outside of yourself will know and you will be there to answer.

Sunday in the Kitchen: Posole & Banana Bread

I love the colors of the M&Ms in this banana bread.

I thought I’d start this post with dessert. I didn’t take a picture when the bread was done, so while I was at work snacking, I snapped a photo before it was all gone. This recipe was really good. I followed it exactly, except I used creamy peanut butter instead of chunky because it’s what I had on hand.

This all came about because there were were two almost black bananas aching to be turned into something sweet and delicious. On our walk, Hubby kept asking me where I hid his bag of M&Ms, but I wouldn’t tell. Then a lightbulb went off, and he also made the suggestion when I said I was thinking of making banana bread. I didn’t tell him what I had in mind. I wanted to surprise him. I searched online for a recipe for banana bread with M&Ms and came across this one. It’s a keeper and I can’t wait to make it again.

http://myyellowfarmhouse.com/2014/04/11/not-your-grandmothers-banana-bread-with-mms-nuts-a-smidge-of-peanut-butter/

Sunday started off to be a good cooking week. I may have felt inspiration from the jambalaya and fried fish that my mother-in-law cooked during the week and invited us over to enjoy. She asked if we wanted refried or regular beans with our meal. We opted for refried. It was, as she said, a sinful meal, and we may as well go all the way. Almost everything was fried or had large amounts of delicious fat!

I had not planned to spend as much time in the kitchen on Sunday as I did. I thought I’d get in and out. I knew that I wanted to prepare posole, a Mexican stew that I grew up eating at my grandmother’s home. I searched the internet for recipes and found a variation by Rachel Ray that sounded promising. I’m used to eating red posole, but I went with a green this time.

I was specifically looking for a recipe that used pork tenderloin for a healthier version. I was happy to find Rachel Ray’s recipe. I also looked at a red recipe. I ended up using most of the ingredients in Ray’s recipe. But not the honey, and I only used two cans of chicken stock and enough water to my tastes. I used the 4 poblano chiles, which I blackened on the stovetop. I also used about 3/4 cup of chiles Japones (Japanese chiles). They are small red chiles and added some heat. I followed the preparation of the red chiles from the second recipe and set the sauce aside to add to the mix when I got everything in the pot.  I also decided to make the green chile separately rather than cooking everything in the pot, then pureeing part of it. I didn’t strain. I cut the husked tomatillos into quarters and put them into enough water to barely cover them and simmered them for a bit, these went into the blender with their water and the poblano chiles, garlic, and salt. I set this aside, along with the red chile, until I had cooked the pork and veggies and then brought everything together into the pot to simmer. I didn’t do the nacho surprise…maybe next time if I need a change.

We topped our stew with shredded cabbage and lime juice. We also had an avocado on the side. This was a delicious posole that I will definitely add to my repertoire of recipes. There was enough flavor from the chiles and other ingredients without needing those extra cans of stock; and the heat was great.

That was Sunday. The momentum continues!

And I might add to the quote and say that, “All true love is grounded in esteem and good food.”

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/rachael-ray/pork-tenderloin-posole-with-bottom-of-the-bowl-nacho-surprise-recipe.html

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchens/posole-rojo-recipe.html

A Pull to the Page

The page has been pulling at my sleeves, 

with letters, words, sentences, but also with lines, 

circles, and doodles. It's a familiar feeling of wanting to draw something–

to sketch my dreams and the images that form,

from below the surface, yet as my cycle goes, 

I have moments of glee and moments of frustration, disappointment. 

It's good for me, though; good to be challenged in a new way; 

and when I surrender to the process, I feel something–

I see something speaking to me in a way that makes me want to know more.

**

Ink and watercolor pencils

I sat in the grass

#5

I sat in the grass,

felt the warmth

on my toes, when

an Angel presented

me with a porcelain

figurine–an image of herself.

She held her hand out, and said,

"Come, go. You are free."

**

When I finished writing this one, I felt that it was a gift, a small little gift from the Universe. It made me feel calm and at peace; and even now, as I type it out, and listen to the words, I am filled with that same sense of peace that I felt when I reached the last word.

Decluttering & Magnetic Poetry

I’ve been doing some decluttering. It’s never easy to let go of things, and I always think that I’m going to get rid of more than I actually do. I talked hubby into allowing me to bring one more shelf into the house and to buy one short cube shelf for the closet because I’ve just run out of space for all the clothes that I’ve accumulated, mostly pants and cute tops that I’ve found at the second hand stores. Everything is started to look a lot neater. There was a bag that has been laying around, stuffed with pages out of calendars that I wanted to save because they had great quotes or good books. I finally sorted through that bag, mostly old receipts that I don’t need and other pieces of paper that needed to go. 

It’s amazing how much stuff we actually accumulate in our lifetimes. I don’t want to be a hoarder; I don’t want to collect things that I forget about and lock away in boxes that I only open every now and then. 

I keep trying to consolidate and let go of more books that are packed away in the garage. I did let go of some. I donated a box of children books and a few other books and some other miscellaneous items. I had hubby bring three boxes inside, so that I could go through them and hopefully detach from some of the things inside and possibly donate some. I came across my tin of words from the magnetic poetry kits that I bought some time ago. We used to keep all the words–or almost all of them on the refrigerator and we’d take turns making up silly sentences or endearing ones too. When we moved, I took them all down and put them in their tin box, leaving them stored away in yet another box in the garage. 

I took the tin out and randomly chose a few words, tried to string them together. I decided that maybe I would do this every day and write down what I came up with. The first day, I stuck to the words that I picked; the second day, I added some prepositions; the third day, I did the same as the second, but didn’t feel that I needed to use all the words, especially since many of them would’t have been useful in that instance; on the fourth day, I felt like I was loosening up and added to the words because the words I chose, created an image in my mind and the result made me smile inside because it was silly. 

It’s been fun and zen-like, my morning meditation. I haven’t yet selected my words for this morning, but I think I will when I’m done writing.

#1

Only night must question truth.

This made me start thinking about nighttime and darkness and how we often find truth within the dark moments in life, how the dark illuminates and becomes light.

#2

faith–

born under the 

weight of the velvet

universe

#3

The present lingers on

like the warmest day.

#4

“Remember,” said the feline,

“the remedy is to recover.”

I swallowed curiosity and 

spit it back out.

A Rainy Day in February

Rain slaps down on the hoods of cars, while short Palm trees, in their brick enclosures, swing around–as though they are taking in a good scream from the wind. Other more delicate plants flail in their pots. I look out the window. 

Japanese lanterns spin around less violently, enclosed by the outside overhang, bringing my attention to those lanterns adorned with images of Japanese women in traditional Japanese robes; the other lanterns covered in flowers, black and red orchids. 

I look down at my bento box lunch, thinking how neat and tidy and lovely to have so many compartments, organized in such a way as to make the contents each have their own place–each component adding to the beauty of the whole.

Journal ~ Cold be Gone & Buddha Cat

Cold virus is lingering. In the last stages. Still coughing. 16 days. Too long. One week in, conjunctivitis (aka pink eye) in right eye, start treatment; pink eye in left eye, more treatment. Two days off work, plus one day of being sick the week before. Missed two of three night classes in a row. Worried. Thought of dropping, emailed the instructor several times. Me, being wishy-washy: one email, I'm telling him I'm dropping the class, missed too much; next email, once I've re-thought things over and got encouragement from hubby, I tell the teacher I don't want to drop, I'll stick it out only having one absence left. Still kept up with the reading, did the homework, emailed it in. Had already emailed one homework before I got really sick. He read all of my emails and responded with my last question to email my late homework. Other class is online, didn't miss any classes.

Writing is one of my loves and even so, for some reason, with certain classes I get nervous. It's like it brings up old insecurities from 20 years ago even thought I've proven to myself that I don't need to be worried. Worrying is in my nature. So it was helpful when I received my homework back and I was on track. I was beginning to doubt myself. It's amazing how powerful the mind is and how it can take you to places you shouldn't be, how it can take you to the land of insecurity and self-doubt in one breath. It's a lifelong journey and in some ways, it's not such a bad thing. It provides perspective and balance.

Haven't been able to do pleasure reading, but the reading for both of my classes is interesting. It will be nice to get back to the other books too. One in particular: Winter's Tale by Mark Helprin. I want to finish the book before I see the movie.

Buddha Cat

Friendly neighborhood cat

entertaining himself, 

rolling around on the ground

completely submissive–

No fear

Happy laughing cat

**

Cat on a rock surrounded by bushes

at Kaiser

staring ahead,

watching,

suddenly leaps

scurries in and out

what is he after?

I walk over to the bush,

see him covered in leaves,

all but his head. 

I try to get his attention

with a cluck cluck sound, 

he looks up, then away,

too busy for me.